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Chapter 6.

Journal Entry: Thu Feb 14, 2013, 10:55 PM
The Dish Ran Away With The...

The door slammed behind him, a gust of harsh wind picked up from the violent force he gave the door.
"Bitch, where you at girl, HUH?!"
He took a step forward into the dim lit room, he'd been in this apartment on numerous occasions, typically the casual visit included laughter and attention to each other's needs, but no longer.  The wind swept over the old duct-taped sofa and into the kitchen making the ceiling fan spin just a little bit.  His boots were covered with saw dust and smelly gasoline stains, the knot in his laces tarred together, pulled and stretched, appeared to be falling apart, but still had a good five to ten years left in them.
"Dumb Brawd, I know about you and Calihan, don't think I don't you bitch!  I heard from Eddy, yeah you forgot about him didn't CHA!!  Yeah, Edward talked, eventually, his last words of whimpering, he blabbed it all OUT!!"  He walked into the kitchen now, the ceiling fan just now coming to a complete stop.  The refrigerator door had been left open and food and other edible substances laid about on the floor around the lit door.  The lighting from the door shown down onto the floor up towards his leg, stepping on top of scattered trail mix and salteen cracker bits here and there.
"Yeah, you know what I done to Eddy, I, I, threw him off the roof, yeah, he dead now, no more of his dirty ass rat voice to be heard, that son of a bitch is crushed, just like you gonna be crushed now if you don't show that precious cunt of yours girl, Damn it LORETTA!  I knows you's is hiding! Sal right, I's like to hunt down my women, makes for a better fuckn', you want that Loretta, you want a better fuckn'?  Now I know's you do, I bet that pussy of yours got wet the second I's come in here.  Always did didn't it, what about at the thought of Eddie's crushed face, HUH, HUH BITCH, you think of Eddie's face and you get wet, I bet you did…"  Saying that as he flung open the pantry door, nothing, he then bent down to reach for the kitchen knife lying on the floor.
"Always were a freaky cunt, weren't CHA, dumb bitch always chasing for that high deep one," raising his voice for a moment, his chest protruding out like a rooster in a cock fight, showing off before the showdown.  Then his eyes shifted to the hallway leading to the bedroom, his pace started for there.
"Yep, once a kinky slut, always a kinky slut.  Now come on LORETTA, I know you just didn't up and leave with Calihan, I just knows' it.  Or did cha..?"  His lower lip pouting out now, his eyes not even blinking, just focusing on what they wanted to focus on, what they were made to focus on: the prey.
There was a glow coming from under the bedroom door, he got his knife in a good grip with his right hand and leaned over to turn the doorknob with the left.  It turned, but he didn't push it in, he just stood there with it turned, waiting… just then he heard:
"Davy, wha..!"  Loretta stood in the kitchen on the opposite side of the hallway, staring at her ex-husband, with grocery bags in her hands and a puzzled look on her face.
Davy opened his mouth to say something, but the door forced itself open, and a noise like a jet engine humming from low to loud came from the room as well as a blinding white light, which filled the entire apartment.  Davy with his mouth still wide open, unable to say a word fell head first into the room, the door slammed shut and the light was gone the same instant Loretta's grocery bags hit the floor.

-continued in journal section-

Chapter 6. (cont.)

Journal Entry: Thu Feb 14, 2013, 10:52 PM
The Dish Ran Away With The...(cont.)

"Wake up, wake up now."  It was a high mechanical like voice.  A beeping could be heard in the distance.
"He won't open the eyes sir."
"We must take that away from him, he shall be forever punished."
"Why bring that here sir, why?"
"He will be forever punished."
Davy's eyes creaked open, corroded with crust and morning eye juices.  He wanted to lift his hand to wipe the crust away, but he couldn't for some reason, he wasn't tied up, he just couldn't move his arms.
"What, what is this," Davy whimpered, still with his eyes barely open, still crusted shut all he could make out was that blinding white light, nothing else the light was so overpowering.
"He awakes sir, he speaks, what now?"  Said again another machine like voice, the beeping was still there to.
"You there, can you hear me, you there?"
"Uhhh, wha, yeah yeah I,.." Davy then forced his eyes open, and saw what looked like a giant glistening metallic spoon leaning over him and a council of giant metallic spoons behind that spoon, the glowing light was everywhere.
"What, what is this..!"  Davy was frightened now, he turned his head to see his arm was in a shiny metallic tube that stretched off over the horizon into the white light that in the distance appeared to be fog.  He looked over to his other arm, the one with the knife, the knife was gone and the same thing was on that arm, the pipe stretched off as far as the eye could see, glowing, glistening in the omnipotent light.
"Listen to me," began the machine like voice, coming from the massive glistening spoon in front of him, Davy's focus turned upward right into the spoon's gaze, and Davy saw his disgusting appearance in the spoon's shiny reflection.  Suddenly the kitchen knife flew up between the arched down spoon and Davy's face, it was just floating in the air, the blade side facing Davy's face perfectly centered between his eyes.  Davy's belly covered in his filthy beater began twitching; his eye's widened as the voice continued to speak to him.
"Listen, you have done a terrible thing bringing this to our world.  Do you realize that, do you realize that this is going to be excruciating, but it's all we can do to save your soul.  Welcome to the Land of the Spoons."      


The End.

Sour M and M's-pt.1

Journal Entry: Thu Nov 15, 2012, 8:06 AM
(A short story inspired by an idea by Peter Haupt)

The class bell rang and the kids eagerly jumped to their feet.  The finest period of the day, lunch, chicken patty day at that.  Forrester Nibs always carried his lunch with him in a brown bag, all he pretty much ate was cold cheese noodle sandwiches that either meant he always had a cheese noodle soup dinner that previous night and was always eating leftovers, or each morning he woke up and blow dried certain noodles to the right degree, nuked em', whatever… he was a strange egg.  Probably the type of sort that did like putting weird stuff in the microwave, like spatulas.
He twisted the last digit in on his padlock, 11.  The locker opened up and a ghastly odor followed, Forrester took a whiff, a small one and cringed his face a bit.  It was the school's chocolate milk; he would save them in the upper compartment of his locker, for fire drills or after school stuff.  This one was turned, he reached his hand in and grabbed the milk and opened it, then he began pouring it on the red-carpeted floor, the curdled chunks splattering on the floor with a squishy thud.  He made a half circle with the chunks around his locker, watching his hand shake the chocolate milk box as he turned his torso around, then placed the box at the tip of the half circle facing out to the display case directly across the hall from his locker.  Other kids walking by kind of laughed or giggled, they always made funny faces at Nibs, they thought he was a joke.  The smell was beginning to leak out into the open hallway, some kids were getting irritated and pulled their shirts up over their noses, Forrester had his back to them and his head tilted down as if in prayer with his eyes looking straight up, ignoring his on-lookers.  He twisted his head to the left, still with his chin buried in his chest, looking down the hall; there was one he didn't ignore.  Jess Timble, one of those cheerleader pep squad girls.  Hot, long blonde hair, cute thick rimmed glasses, she was talking with her girls Mindy and Patricia, they were probably like twenty or twenty five lockers down, on the opposite side of the hall.  Lunchtime was great; Forrester had talked to her once during a lunchtime,

"Hey, hey, you're in my chem class right?"
"Oh, yeahhhhhhhh…"
Jess had just walked up to him when he was sitting in front of his locker, eating his sandwich.
"Mrs. Baldwin's, right, yeah well, I'm Jess and I'm selling raffle tickets for Friday's game the winner actually gets  2,000 dollars towards a scholarship fund for college and there's other prizes and silly stuff and it's only three dollars for a ticket and you should do it cause it's going to be lots of fun, you don't want to miss out!!"  She said shaking her head.
Forrester was looking up at her, hardly blinking the whole time, his parted hair always looked silly parted because it was so thick and curly, it looked like a poof.  He finished chewing and swallowed before he spoke.
"Um, you're going out with that Chris guy, right…"
"Uh…"  Jess looked to the side laughing to her self a bit uncomfortably, "Yes, but, I mean we were… were kind of split up right now."
"Oh, kind of like, sour times for you HeHe!"  With saying sour times Forrester started laughing to himself, with his smile he always exposed his gums and the decent sized gap between his two front teeth.
"Right, do you want to buy a raffle ticket or not…"
"HEHE, like SOUR TIMES for you," this time pointing at her with his right index finger, and laughing harder, his mouth was open showing particles and mush's of chewed food, some fell out into his Indian crossed sweat pant wearing legs.  
"O.K.!!"  Jess raised her eyebrows up and continued on her walk, grossed out.

(continued in Journal Section)

Sour M and M's - pt.2

Journal Entry: Thu Nov 15, 2012, 8:04 AM
It meant something, Forrester reached into the lower half of his locker and pulled out his Eddie Bower green back pack, he turned with it and sat Indian style within his curdled milk circle with his pack in front of him facing the hall.  He reached in the pack and pulled out what looked like an erector headset, with wires coming down from the top piece.  It had a large piece in the back, which looked like a neck brace, but with this vice piece drilled into the sides.  The vice had this giant steel mouth piece that looked like a catchers mask and was placed into the mouth like a retainer, or braces and pulled the lips up, there was also these two pockets of some sort on either ends of the mouth piece that would stretch the mouth back into a big smile.  At the base of the retainer piece was a chinstrap with an adjustable screw on the bottom of it, that when tightened would cause your jaw muscles to close up and your teeth to clench together.
Forrester raised the homemade helmet into the air, kids walking by still just laughing, some paying no mind, some stopped at a considerable distance to observe and laugh.  He held it, it shone in the fluorescent hallway lights, he moved the jaw piece a little and slipped the neck brace piece behind his neck and secured the top vice into place in front of his ears and on the top of his head.  He then maneuvered the wiry clips into place to hold his lips up and put the retainer pockets into each side of his mouth so his gums were visible.  The chin strap was last, Forrester twisted the clamp screw as tight as it would go, his smile, his smirk, his eye's were almost pinched closed his mouth was so stretched out, his face looked like a stuffed duffel bag.  Everyone who walked by him was laughing, Forrester dug into his pack again and pulled out two rolled up pieces of tin foil that had wires coming from them that lead to some kind of push button remote at the bottom of his pack.  He uncoiled the tin foil to find two cylinders of dynamite, each about an inch in size and placed them in the side pockets in the corners of his mouth, the last bits of luggage zipped up in the duffle bag.
"HSSSSSS,HEEEEE,HSSSS!"  His breathing was coming out strained, through his stuffy nose and loose crevices between his clenched teeth.  As he stood up he grabbed the remote attached to the wires from the bottom of his pack and stretched his arms in the air and looked at the ceiling for a moment, then walked over the milk circle, down the red carpet towards Jess.  He looked at kids walking by who were either confused, or amused spectators.  That over induced smile of Forrester's, it was kind of creepy.
"…And then he was all like, OH, MY, GOD..!"  Jess was distracted from telling her girlfriends her awesome story when she saw that weird sweatpants boy from her chem class walking towards her, about ten lockers away, with a massive smile and head gear on.  "Girls, girls, look, look at that, that's that dude, yeah, what is he doing?!"  They all began giggling at Forrester.
Forrester knew there wasn't much time before the bell rang and lunch would be over so he thought it best to ask Jess to the upcoming dance now, especially if her and Chris were no longer, and then he clicked the remote.
"WSHHHH YoSH DIglAA WZZ TAAA DAnnzzzzzZZ??!!..."
BOOM!!
The sticks blew Forrester's face clean off and it sprayed face gunk and eyeballs and teeth all over Jess and her friends.  Jess screamed as a bloody mess was stumbling towards her.  Only the top part of his forehead was intact, as well as his ears, the top of his head with that oily, curly parted hair.  Forrester's face was caved in down to his adams apple, fragments of wet bone and blood dripped down to the floor, not only from the hole where his face once was, but also from the ceiling and lockers behind Jess and her friends.  One last gush of blood squirted out of the tube like structure that once formed his neck and trachea shot out at Jess.  He made it five footsteps toward her before collapsing at her feet in a big splatter, his hand still gripping the remote.
Then the bell rang, and everyone came out and everyone saw it.  Everyone saw the body and everyone saw Jess Timble with a face full of Forrester.


The End.

The van glistened in the gorgeous Paradise (Nevada, Clark County) sunlight as it pulled up to 128 Cornmaker Drive.  The front driver's side had been making screeching noises lately and didn't hesitate to do so when the vehicle came to a halt.
"This is it."  Bridice Mann said as he put the gear shifter into park.  He pulled down his headphones, small black circular headphones with cushy padding, they were old, he had purchased them from a tag sale several weeks ago.  He took them off and reached over to the passenger seat to his leather satchel, which was worn down, aged, a few tools were poking from various pockets but the main top pocket was zipped up.  He grabbed the satchel and opened the drivers' side door.
It was a typical suburban block, if you were to look at the street from a birds perspective, 128 Cornmaker Drive would be at the northwest side of the circle shaped street.  The middle of the circle was a grass island, looked to be a park, there was a swing set with a slide, nothing else, fairly small.  The landscape of Cormaker Drive was interesting, the northwest side was raised on a hill, above the rest of the block, and there was at least a 25-foot slope that was visible in the park, down to the south side of the drive.  There was also a massive weeping willow tree in the front yard of 128 Cornmaker Drive,  with an old white fence surrounding it and the yard.
"Place looks like it would have roaches."  Bridice thought to himself standing in front of his white van, the van had the words written very simply on the side up high near the back, "Bridice Mann:  Roach Server".  
Bridice was old, looked to be in his mid to late 60's, with a thick grey beard and a receding hairline that was covered by a white baseball cap, some loose strands of hair jutting out here and there, and he wore rectangular spectacles.  His eyes looked deep and dark on first glance, but in the right light one could tell that they were blue.  He had wrinkles down his cheekbone, and bags under his eyes.  He fiddled with his glasses and took the two steps over the sidewalk from his van to the white fence.  He pushed some weeping willows out of his way while opening the gate, and walked in.  Bridice immediately looked up into the shadowy cave of the giant willow tree.  Heavenly light was seeping in through some branches, creeping like a mist.  The sidewalk through the tree was very old and cracked.  It was bumped up in one area, like a bubble shape, probably from a big root thought Bridice.  The sidewalk and the grass within the tree were quilted with ferns and things that shuffled and snapped when their resting place was disturbed.  He looked at the enormous tree trunk taking over the left side of the yard, then he looked over to the right side of the yard, more twigs, grass was brown from lack of sun, remnants of an old chair now broken with mold all over it, he saw what looked like the remnants of what was once a garden, now forgotten about, abandoned, the plants were all dead.  Beyond that Bridice looked through the willows, he could vaguely make out a car and a garage.  He pushed the willows out of the way again as he reached the front steps.  He walked up to the front porch and across it's wooden floor to the door.
KNOCK!KNOCK!
"Bridice Mann!  Roach Server!"  He heard a bit of shuffling inside and a faint voice.
"Oh, I'll just be a minute!"
Bridice set his satchel on the porch and turned around.  He put the side of his left hand up to his nose, catching some of his mustache hairs and breathed in through his nose while moving his hand up and down, feeling his mustache.  The rest of the fern tree (when facing the front door) was hanging and lying on the left side of the roof over the porch. Some ferns had fallen down onto the porch floor, there was a pile of them swept against the porch wall, there was a window completely curtained up behind it.
The door opened.  "Hello Hello!  Come in!"  Said an old woman's voice from behind the screen door.

-continued in Journal Section-
"Hello, yes Ma'am, hi, Bridice Mann…Lucinda Belvoy?"
She pushed the screen door open, "Vulvoy…" she said, sounding not offended.
"Vulvoy, right, getting on in my years…"
"Oh, your just a young man compared to me haha!"  Lucinda Vulvoy said as she held the screen door open for Bridice.  Lucinda was an old white lady in her late 70's, short and big, with short curvy white hair, she had a big double chin and a big smile on her face.  She was sweating a bit and had on a big white tee shirt and navy colored shorts that looked tightly stretched on Lucinda's big thighs.  She looked old but energetic, Bridice walked in.
"Hello."  Bridice put out his right hand to meet Lucinda whom had a firm grip and smiled during the shake.  Bridice noticed how the pudge and chub from her cheeks pushed up to make her eyes squint when she smiled.  "So…you have a roach intrusion?"
"Yes, yes, right this way!"  Lucinda turned and waved Bridice to follow her down the hall.  A painting of a basket with fruit in it was in the first room, Bridice noticed that Lucinda had a ducks waddle as she crept along with her right shoulder always pushing a bit in front of her, leading her in a way.  
The walls were a deep red, not quite burgundy, but  dark, so where light was striking through the windows, it was bursting in extreme contrast with the shadowy house, but it didn't appear to be as messy as one would first assume by seeing the outside.  The front room was dimly lit, and had an oriental carpet in it that was patterned with dark reds, navies and browns.  He followed Lucinda through that room into another dark room, faint streaks of light were coming in through the curtains.  This room also having an oriental rug placed awkwardly in the pathways between the two rooms.  He noticed the many rugs throughout Lucinda's home, all the same dark reds, deep blues and various browns, some sloppily overlapping the edges of other carpets, the floor felt very cushy, and deep, as if there were carpets even underneath these ones.  There wasn't one place where the original flooring could be seen, as if she moved from a larger estate where this many carpets would be necessary.
Bridice clutched his bag, "Wow, that's some tree you got!"
"Oh yeah," she said knowingly "yeah that old tree's probably been here longer then the entire neighborhood!"
"Really?"  He said interested.
"Well, you'd think so wouldn't you, by the size of her," she led him into the kitchen which was the brightest room in the house, the windows were all open and light was coming in, there were no carpets in the kitchen, just the tile flooring.  She walked to the back towards the cupboard room, "But I've been told this whole ground was bulldozed over before any of the foundations were even thought of, so it would…right here…" she opened the door to the basement which was in the small cupboard room, the shelves weren't too full, boxes of random cooking apparatus, a few pots, it was a bit dusty  on the top, Lucinda continued talking as she pulled the string to the basement stairwell light, the light shook and began swinging back and forth as they preceded down the steps.  "It had to of been planted after the houses were built, this neighborhood isn't that old you know, watch yer head!"
"Right, Oh thanks!"  
They were in the basement, it was cube shaped and dimly lit.  The ventilator system and furnis were thickly covered with dust,  Lucinda waddled over to where a number of crates and cardboard boxes were stacked up and pointed, "I think a lot of them are over there.  You know that they don't  regularly like this climate!?"
"Hmmm, what?  The roaches?"  Bridice questioned.
"No, willow trees, they generally like more moist environments, but look at her grow!  Healthy as ever, as if she really loves it here you know, and doesn't want to be budged..!"  Lucinda said with her hands gesturing up and her head shaking.
"Ha, right, can't say the same for your roach problem, huh, over there you say?"  Bridice pointed towards the crates and boxes.
"Yep, that's it," she answered as she opened the basement shutter window with a long handled crank, "…well I think so, sometimes I'll turn on the light and they just scatter!  I swear the floor is moving, and a lot of them go towards the boxes, I won't dear disturb it, ooohhh!  I bet there's a lot!"
"Have you ever seen any roaches upstairs?"
"Yes, I saw one yesterday morning, while I was eating breakfast and another one in my living room while I was watching my programs."
"Ooooh, during the day, that's not a good sign."
"Oh no!"  She gasped.
"No need to worry, I'll take care of your problem in no time at all Miss Vulvoy!"
"Oh good, thank you so much Bridice!"
"Just a job ma'am, it's not a problem, you can go about your day as if I'm not here at all, this won't be long."  Bridice said, his beard curving upwards into a smile, the corners of his white teeth showing a bit, he turned and set down his satchel.  Miss Vulvoy turned as well and headed up the stairs, then paused on one of the steps, the light from the stair well now just swaying very slowly, and she turned again to speak.
"You know, I was mighty impressed with your add, to be frank, I've never heard of  a profession quite like yours, so, you, you don't kill them?"
Bridice unzipped the satchel and stood up very attentive like, "No killing, that's the motto, no chemicals or sprays nuh-uh," shaking his head "I simply collect and bring to a more substantial home, I serve."  He said calmly while folding his hands together.
"Oh wow, that's great, that's just, I hate to see anything get killed, even a roach you know, they don't mean any harm."
"They're here on this planet just like you and I…"  Bridice said smiling once more, steadily turning, he felt a bit awkward at this point of his profession, he wasn't much of a talker yet he felt at times his customers wished to watch how he worked and what exactly he did.  This was never allowed.
"Well," Lucinda started excitedly with one hand on the banister, "how does one, err, how do you collect?"
Bridice began kneeling down, his unzipped satchel, "eh, I uh, it's, it's, eh it's…" stuttering in a way, "…it's a personal, self taught process, I generally work alone, no disturbances…"  He turned again, reaching into his bag.
"Oh yes," Lucinda said after a brief moment of silence, the light now completely still.  "Well, I will leave you to it, thank you so much again," she started up the steps, "let me know if you need any thing!"
"Yes I will, thanks."  Bridice's head was up only slightly, his eyes focusing on his bag.  As soon as he heard the door shut, he pulled out a gadget, a smooth remote control looking device, with a calculator like screen at the bottom of it.  He pushed the "on" switch and set the device down in the middle of the floor and walked away.  A stream of red light suddenly shot out in every direction and moved around a bit, filling the basement with ultra highlights, and then it was out.  Bridice squinted his eyes and walked back to the middle of the floor and picked the device up, "Jesus.  That can't be right!?"  He said muffled, the readout on the screen said 20 Max, which would mean there were 20 thousand roaches living in the basement.  He hit the on switch again, "…try this out one more time," he set it down, the light spilled through the basement again.
"Damn!  That's amazing."  The same readout as before, 20 Max, "never…eh, gonna need the lights for this one, whew, 20 K!  I'll be damned!"  He walked up the steps, scratching his head, Mrs. Vulvoy wasn't in the kitchen, he figured she was probably watching TV, he didn't want to startle her anyway about the infestation.  
Back outside the sun was still beaming, it was still humid and sweaty out, the sun was at the highest point in the sky, and there were no clouds out.  Bridice opened the van side door and grabbed a cardboard box and a milk crate that had some stands and clip lights in it.  He made eye contact with one of the neighbor's, a middle aged skinny woman, she looked at him and smiled as she walked from her car to her front door, Bridice smiled back, with the boxes in his arms.  The whole while he couldn't believe the meter count, he had never done a job this big.  This could be expensive he started to think, he wondered how much this old fatty had to her name, a job like this, this could be what he had been waiting for.  You see, Bridice Mann was an abstract clay pot maker, this was his passion, his love, what had been with him, what he had chosen to do, over marriage, over friendships, Bridice loved pots, he'd gone to school for it, all types of pot designs, representative, impressionistic, formal, mosaic, futuristic, dada, but his hands were put on this earth for ABSTRACT clay pots.  Unfortunately this career ceased to prosper in any which way, Bridice had found himself working for some deadbeat jobs after school, he continued to make pots, yet time was of  the essence and life would interfere.

Bridice clicked the last clamp light to the ceiling of the basement and plugged it in.  The lights lit up the middle section of the basement along with the boxes and crates in the corner, everything behind that seemed more in the darkness now.  Bridice walked back to the cardboard box he'd brought in, he pulled out two large metallic crates used for herding the roaches.  "Hmmm, going to need to make several trips, hehe…in over my head…?"  He thought to himself, "fuck it, charge the old fat bitch an arm and a leg."  He laughed again to himself, he literally could make a fortune from this deal, this was his moment.  He set the crates down and walked into the light and took a deep breath.  With his left hand he made two fingers poke out like a gun and he felt for a pulse under his right wrist.  He knelt down on both knees as if in prayer form facing the boxes and crates and curved his right hand back allowing his left two fingers to push deep into his wrist.  At this, Bridice's body (as an onlooker would see him) stiffened up, his teeth quenched and he fell sideways.  His eyes were shut tight and saliva began coming from his mouth, not foam, but some slimy like liquid, his eyes reopened and were pushed into the back of his head.  He lay there having a seizure and the roaches began slowly crawling from the boxes and crates, thousands of them, pouring in from the cracks and holes throughout the basement,  from every direction, all shapes and sizes.  Bridice lay wriggling on the floor and the insects formed a perfect circle around him.
Now what Bridice saw through his own eyes was the beautiful white, glowing all around him,  he rose up from his kneeling position and the cockroaches emerged.  Not like we see them, they were walking on two legs, their backs tilted upwards and their face's were looking forward, attached to a more neck like anatomy.  They were still the cockroach size and they all approached Bridice who held out his hands, palms up to welcome them all.

Years ago Bridice discovered cockroaches were one entity.  One being.  Each and every one belonging to the same voice and mind.  It was his seizures that led him to the discovery, his un-earthly power, to not only communicate, but  to order the entity to do what he wanted.  But the entity was no fool, it would never betray any laws created by man.  He abided to it's own purpose, to roach, to live off the ground, the leftovers, the filth of man was the gift to the cockroach, and the entity treasured this purpose, for this was why it was here.
The only thing worse then being a roach man was being world renowned for having an abnormal ability to communicate to a cockroach.  So Birdice kept his secret to himself.
"Hello my friend."  Said the voice, very slowly, it sounded  like the confident voice of a man, all knowing in a sense coming from the whiteness above.
"Greeting's my friend," began Bridice back to the voice, I have returned, how have you been old one?"
"Well Mr. Mann, life has been at an extreme high for me…" the voice said excitedly, but still very calm, each word pronounced with perfect English.  "You see the location we are at right now is very special."
"Really, why's that?"
"Well, it's the tree Bridice, the tree is extremely important."
"That massive tree out there, it is something else huh…" Bridice said nodding.
"Yes something very dear to me, something that holds the utmost importance to my colony, and to the existence of man."
"Whoa, what are you saying, you, you can tell time now, what you see like the apocalypse or something…?"
"I can't say, but I do know something will happen and when it does life itself will be forever changed.  The human race will become fearful for it's extinction and that tree will stand as the conduit for my colony's emergence into it's next evolution.  The largest cocoon ever formed will be here and from it the embodiment of what is "I" will transcend to its next chapter, to become the Supreme Being."
"Ummm, waaa?  The Cockroaches are going to be the next man, I, err, listen, my friend, I'm just trying to do a quick job here, this set up you got going on here is going to bring me in a lot of dough you know, come on, let's just do this like we always do."
"I'm afraid not Bridice…"  The voice said calmly.
Bridice stood there baffled looking at the swarm of calm standing cockroaches all around him.  The entity had never talked like this before, nor had it ever refused a request from Bridice.
"What, no!  What do you mean?  Come on!  No cocoon, no roach people, this, you're talking about….that sounds crazy and millions and millions of years from now…and…come on, I need this!!"
"I like you Bridice, you've always treated me with respect and never took advantage of our ordeal.  But now is different.  I cannot allow you to harvest us this time, my colony is meant to thrive in this location."
"Hey, let's be reasonable, here, let me take a good amount of you then, eh…?"
"No Bridice, you don't understand, the old lady will die soon, the house will be left vacant for quite some time.  This is where you come in old friend, you must begin the delivery of my colony to this very location…"
"Huh, assist the roach takeover, this is too….I can't, no, I won't!  Miss Vulvoy dead, um, nooo…" he said shaking his head "I don't see any of this happening, listen, I need this for…" he was interrupted by the voice.
"For your pottery?"
"…uhhh," Bridice hesitated, "…yeah, how did you…" he started to question.
"It will never happen, it's not your calling.  What I have just described to you, this my dear Bridice, is you calling…"
"No-that's, that's my god damn passion, I can STILL make a name for myself!"
"I'm sorry Bridice, it never comes true."
"So, I'm not going to live my dream and I'm supposed to be some roach prophet, puppet boy!  No, fuck NO!"  Bridice raised his voice, "How can you spring this shit on  me all of a sudden, I've never done any harm to you, I've always, wait…what's happening!?"  Bridice realized that he was standing in the middle of a college campus, it must have been the sixties judging from the clothing the students were wearing.  Bridice spun around stunned.  "What, what is this?!"
"Don't you remember?"  Came the voice, this time it was nearby Bridice, he looked down to his side and one of the standing cockroaches was with him, his mouth still not moving, but the voice coming directly from it.  
All over he saw clutters of girls and boys talking, pony tails, slicked back hair, high socks, bright colors, oh how many bright colors and the glorious abstract patterns on the girls clothing.  He'd always adored that trend.
"Oh God, that's me…" Bridice Mann's hairy jaw dropped and he adjusted his glasses as he looked upon a 20 year old him, walking across the campus grounds with some pretty girl.  "My God, Jessica Lambert…" just as he said that the clock bells rang three o' clock on the Syracuse campus.
"Do you remember what you were saying to her?"
"I, I, uh," Bridice stuttered a bit, "I can't, I don't know.  This is all just a, a lot to handle.  I can't believe any of this, can, can they see us…?"
"No, it's as if were watching a movie."
"Yeah, an, all around-o-vision, or some...thing, my God, I, I can feel the grass though, I hear everything, I'm I'm here, I…"
"You can feel, smell, taste, move about if you like, to them your just passing wind molecules, dribbling by."
"My God, wow, oh…man…!" Bridice sat on the grassy lawn starring on in utter disbelief.  The cockroach walked up in front up him and looked up to Bridice.
"Do you remember what you were saying to her?"
"Yes, I was telling her how much fun I'd had the night before…"  He was watching himself do so, the two walking across the sunny grounds, "and how I had been thinking, err, wanted to focus more on the potter…"
"You broke her heart Bridice, she wanted to be in love, didn't she.  Good things may have come if you had accepted this opportunity of love…"
"Yeah, well they didn't, so what, what about her? Huh?  She ended up fine and happy I'm sure! You know!" leaning down to the roach, pointing to him while telling him, "what difference does it make, huh, wha-HEY, WHAT!"  Suddenly the environment changed, they were on a fire escape, it was raining on them, and it was nighttime.  They were looking into an apartment where there was a couple sitting on a couch watching TV and there was a mid twenty's Bridice in the chair next to the coach.
"Jesus God, what is this!"
"Focus Bridice." The cockroach said still ever so calm, it was standing on the concrete window sill, Bridice pulled his shirt up over his head, the fire escape over them did a poor job of shielding him from the rain.  He leaned in closer to peer in the window.
"You know what this is." Came the voice.
"Yes, this is me hanging with my best friend Frances, and his girlfriend Carmen."
"Do you know when this is?"
"No, I, I don't know, 1964, 65, what, what is it?!"  Bridice said impatiently.
"This was the last time you hung out with Frances before you moved to California…watch…"
Bridice watched, they all looked so focused on the television set, not much conversation, not any.  Everyone looked worn out, he remembered those times, times when things seemed lacking in his friendship with Frances.  Carmen got up and left the room, it was just Frances and Bridice, it looked tense between the two of them, they looked annoyed with each other.
"Eh, I don't want to watch this, what is this about?!!"
"You both were so close for so many years Bridice, what happened?"
"What!  I don't know, people drift, I didn't get along with his girlfriend, it was a strange time, I, I…!"
"It was the lust for your careers Bridice, your dedication and determination was what tore the friendship apart."
"HEY!" Bridice yelled "We were always friends, I lived so far away, what do you do?!"
"Did you write, how much did you call, any effort to communicate?"
"What!  Come on, what do you want, what are you saying!!!"
"You have sacrificed precious pieces of your life for your own vanity of this "passion", as you put it, your passion of pottery.  Countless times you have ignored or passed up certain opportunities granted especially to you, supposed to be for you, but you refused, for a false dream."
"No, I don't believe this!"  A FALSE DREAM!  Who are you, some, little, little piece of SHIT roach telling me what I can and can't do, what I should've done, what I'm supposed to do!"  Bridice glared down at the roach, drops of rain collapsing over his jacket, drenched, some dribbling off the brim of his cap.
"Bridice, please, listen to me, you have to know I'm showing you this for your own good, your own purpose."
"STOP!!" Bridice clamped his hands over his ears, "Just stop, I don't believe anything your SAYING!!"
"Then we shall see more."



The cockroach took Bridice to seven more moments in his past.  Each one the cockroach described as pivotal and if he had possibly followed the path that the cockroach said was intended for him and not gone for the pottery dream the way he did, that the odds would have been more likely that he would've been creating abstract pottery for a living then they are at the present.  On the seventh moment, Bridice broke down.
"GOD!  No more, PLEASE no more!!  How are you doing this!  You're driving me INSANE!!"  Bridice dropped to his knees.
"Don't you know Bridice, you must.  Cockroaches have stood the test of time my friend.  We're everywhere, we see all that goes on.  I have witnessed your entire existence Mr. Mann."
"Oh, my God…"  Bridice buried his face in his palms, sobbing, shaking his head into his hands, repeating, "it can't be true."
"But it is Bridice…" The voice came, "You've seen what you've lived, you've seen the decisions that you've made to bring you where you are now.  Your life, your desire's and deepest wishes, they're not for you to live."
"No…"  Bridice said faintly, his head still buried in his hands, crouched down on his knees, he was drooling into his hands and some tears were rolling down his cheeks and over his hands.
"Please Bridice, I don't want to show you more, but I will…"
"No."
"Yes Bridice, I will…"
"No more, no you won't," he wiped his nose as he looked up slowly.  They were back to the usual glowing white environment he was used to, surrounded by countless cockroaches, forming a circle around him.  One of them walked out in front of the others up to Bridice, who was still down on his knees.
"I'm sorry Bridice, but…"
"NOOO!!!"  Bridice threw his fists down as hard as he could splattering the roach before him.
"Stop it Bridice."  The voice came calmly and soothing.
"NO YOU STOP IT!"  Bridice screamed "YOUSTOPITYOUSTOPIT!!!"
Suddenly he was in Miss. Vulvoy's basement again, he was in the same crouched position with his hands still quenched, he coughed up the slimy liquid that was forming from his mouth, with it came three huge cockroaches.  The liquid would form from Bridice's stomach acids and that was what would harvest the roaches.  The crates were his ploy.  Bridice had a mutant organ, allowing him to transfer countless cockroaches in his stomach, he would get them from people's homes and set them free in the woods.  This was his job.
His fists were covered with roach guts and he looked up startled as he heard Miss Vulvoy at the top of the steps.
"Hey Hey HEY!!"  She hollered.  The roaches began scattering every which way, thousands, they knocked over a pole holding up one of Bridice's lights, it fell and shattered and half the basement fell into darkness.
"Oh my!"  Miss Vulvoy said as she backed up the steps.
"No!  Miss Vulvoy!"  Bridice stood and ran up the steps and into the still brightly lit kitchen.  "Please stop Miss Vulvoy!"
"NO!  Let me go!"  She yelled as Bridice grabbed her, "STOP!  HELP!"  He spun her around and suddenly coughed up another roach, covered in the slimy liquid and a bit of blood.
"YYAAAAHHGOD!!"  She screamed.  "What are you!!  Look at your hands!"  Bridice's hands were still covered with the remains of dead roaches splattered all over his wrists and fingers, "You're a, a ROACH KILLER! Let go of me!  LET GO!!"
"I'm not a roach killer…"  Bridice began, calmly, almost unaware that he was grasping the panicking and struggling Miss Vulvoy, her hands trying to claw away at his grip on the shoulder's of her shirt that he was lifting upward.  "I'm not, I'm I'm, that's my friend down there," he said calmly and jittery, "that's my FRIEND!!" now screaming it in her face.  He spun her around, still grasping her, Lucinda Vulvoy's back was facing the open door to the basement.
"No,  STOP IT BRIDICE, STOP IT!  HELP!!  He was gripping her harder and harder, his brows dropping lower, his sunken eyes falling more and more back now.
"NO YOU STOP IT!"  He hurled her hard down the staircase.  She landed on her back midway and rolled down feet overhead the rest of the steps and landed on her back with her head smacking on the hard concrete floor and her legs lying up on the bottom few steps.
"AAHHH!"  Miss Vulvoy screamed, "OH MY GOD!  Both my arms are broken!  I, I…" she was squealing, "I, I can't move, my leg's OWWWW, OWWW, God, HELP HELPPP!!"  She was instantly out of breath and laid her head back and squinted her eyes with the most terrifying pain.  
Bridice stood at the top of the staircase, his silhouette outlined in the cellar doorway.  He took the first few steps down, then paused.  
"Help…"  Miss Vulvoy could barely whimper, "hhhheeeLLLPPPP!" then her voice was beginning to come back.  Bridice hurried down the steps, he hopped over Lucinda's body taking up the base of the stairs, he didn't want her to get any louder, as to get the attention of any neighbors, whom he already knew were home.  He picked up the fallen light stand, the bottom was a circular weight that must have been 20 to 30 pounds, about a foot in diameter and a good two and a half inches thick.  Bridice held onto the pole section midway, it had a nice circumference so he could get a good grip on it.  Lucinda Vulvoy's body wriggled a bit, both her arm's were snapped backwards and blood was pooling slowly all around her.  Her body lay on the basement floor looking upward and her butt and legs lay mangled up on the few bottom steps of the stairwell.  Bridice walked over steadily, his boots standing on either side of her head.  She looked up at him, "NOOO!  NOOO!" It was still a whimper.  Bridice held up the pole with the weight hovering about three feet above Lucinda's skull.
"I,I," Bridice began, "I, I don't kill things…"
"NOOO-"  Lucinda's scream was cut short with the first blow of the 30 pound weight.  Bridice stamped it hard a second time, Lucinda looked dazed, her eyes were blinking rapidly and she tried hard to move her body around.  She lifted her right arm a bit, "PPPrrreeze, pree-" again another blow to the face with the weight, "Nerrrr…" Lucinda's front teeth were knocked out and her forehead was caving in.  Bridice held the pole up high and threw it down again, this time hearing a loud pop noise and blood and white foam like shit flew out from under the weights blow.  Bridice picked up the weight, blood and sticky old fat skin was strewn all over the bottom, it stretched up with the weight as he pulled it.  Lucinda's forehead had cracked open and blood and puss was coming out,  her brain was showing a bit, her eyes were sunken and squashed far into her crushed skull, and her upper and lower teeth were gone.  She was making gurgling noises and she still attempted to lift her arm up.  Bridice lifted the weight and slammed it down again, this time more cracking and crunching, and a soggy squish noise.  He didn't lift the weight again just held onto the pole and slowly slid his hands down and off of it.
"I, I , I don't…kill…"  Bridice trailed off and shuffled his feet steadily backward, "I, I…God…"  he looked around, two of the lights were still on, and he looked further in to the shadows.  "You're watching aren't you, always…watching…"  
Out of the shadows crawled the roaches, slowly, organized in rows.  Bridices eye's widened and he adjusted his glasses, he noticed blood all over his hands and chunks of roach remains.  He looked down, he was covered in blood, his boots were soaked.  He backed away from the shadows, his heel slid into something wet and sticky and tapped into Miss Vulvoy's body, he looked down over his shoulder, she lay motionless a large pool of blood now all around her.  
Bridice put one hand on the railing and pushed his force on it to hop over the huge corpse.  He ran up the stairs and out the door.  Through the weeping willow tree and got into his van still beaming in the sunlight.  He turned the key and drove away.  It was still a hot one out.

Dark Road There


It had been two months since Bridice Mann's visit to 128 Cornmanker Drive.  Bridice had been charged with first-degree murder, as he had first, justly and knowingly, introduced and made acquaintances with Lucinda Vulvoy.  He had been in the county hold up for the past four weeks and was just send to the maximum-security prison in San Quentin in the unincorporated Marine County California.

The cell bars closed hard behind Bridice.  That cliché loud clang and echo ran down the luminous hallways of the prison.  It was the sound of the end.  But jail isn't the end.  It's the next life.  Of hell.
"Wassup old man…?" Said the enormous black man with the shaved head.  He was laying on the bottom bunk, the bed was on the left side of the cell, the room was brightly lit with concrete walls painted a tanish off white color, some scribbles and peeled away paint here and there. There were no windows.  There was a toilet in the right corner and a small sink next to that on the facing wall.
"I, I, wha…" Bridice was cut off.
"You that roach man, yeah…!"  Bridice's new cellmate said as he sat up on the bed, putting his feet on the ground.  "Yeah…I heard you was coming.  I heard you smashed up some fat bitches head.  Roaches crawling all up inside that bitches face and body, she probably was still alive when they were eating her ass!"  He slowly massaged the top of his head, his eyes were squinty, and his four front teeth on the top row were gold.  "…Judging from your size, you don't look like you got much muscle old man, couldn't of put much force into your blows…Wassup old man!!  Was the bitch fucking around, HUH?"  He said with his hands clamped just starring at Bridice, whom hadn't moved from the cell's bars.  He was terrified.
"I, I don't kill…" he muttered unclearly.
"Wha…?  That was it old man wasn't it?  The fat bitch was sucking other cocks on you, fucking around while you at work, fucking with yo friends, them teenage boys down the block, DAMN!"  He yelled out.  "I bet that bitch loved it, shit, fat bitch gotta get some loving to HEH!  Man, I bagged a few fat bitches, mmm, they love to fuck…  Time to forget that shit old man, put it behind you, time to suck my cock."  He pushed his neck out when he said "my" and cocked his head a bit to the right.
"What, I what..?!"  Bridice panted, still muttering.
The cell mate stoop up and walked over to Bridice in one step.  The top of Bridice's head was up to the mid section of the black man's chest.  Bridice took his right hand and pushed it over his mouth, catching the hairs of his mustache with the side of his index finger and he started moving it up and down over his nose, breathing in and out.  The black man smacked his hand away as he leaned over Bridice's head.  With his teeth grit, said again in a low tone.  "Time to suck my cock old faggot."  He grabbed behind Bridice's neck and pulled him into the corner of the cell, behind the bunk beds and threw him down to his knees.  Bridice quivered, his head and body were shaking as he looked up on this man, his cellmate, undoing the Velcro to his white jumpsuits that all the prisoners wore.
"Heh, I'm Sed."  He glared down on Bridice, from behind the glass of his spectacle's those gold teeth smiled back at him, the reflection bouncing back up to Sed.  He pulled out his penis, dark, long, just dangling in front of Bridice's face, the complete contrast to Bridice's now white beard, which had been buzzed down.
"Just wait till he wakes up…heh, heh…"

The next day a the cafeteria Sed and a few of his boys told Bridice they were going to rape him in the shower, so he wasn't allowed to eat.  Bridice's eyed were swelled up from zero sleep, his body sat still but his eyes were moving all around.  Nervously searching, trying to figure something, anything out.  He was alone.  He was the cockroach man.

The hot spray of water came flowing out, blanketing itself around Bridice's face, down his neck and onto his back and front side.  He stood there like a zombie, when suddenly both his arms were grabbed from behind and he was violently pushed to walk to a small side space in the shower room and tossed like a scarecrow in the middle of the floor.
"Don't move nigga!"  Said another football player sized black man, "don't even try screaming old fuck, guards be getting paid off right now, yee, dey know.  Yo ass is gonna bleed, you'll start to fucking love this shit, faggot."  He said not even looking at Bridice; he had his back against the wall outside the old shower space.
Bridice hadn't even thought of screaming, or putting up a struggle, he was broken. This was the punishment he deserved.  He just spaced out, starring down at the old white marble tiled floor, this section had obviously been out of use for some time.  It had mold all around the corners touching the walls, and tiles were cracked and corroded with rust and stains.  He lay, some what fetal positioned on the floor, with both palms on the ground.  He was looking down at a crack in the tiles.  He followed the crack, he noticed how the closer the crack reached the wall, the more several other smaller cracks spawned from it, and how much bigger the main crack was getting.  The tiles were getting darker with dirt and they were covered in mold as they approached the wall and the crack opened up into a small hole in the wall and there it was.  A cockroach stood looking straight at Bridice.  The prison had been so new; Bridice hadn't seen a cockroach in any part of the facility yet.  He looked back at the roach, it started crawling slowly towards him.  Bridice did not have his glasses on so the roach was very blurry.  Bridice much desired to talk with an old friend.  He began pressing on his left wrist with his right index and middle finger, he pushed harder and deeper.  Still lying in the fetal position, on his right side, his back arched upwards in a sudden spastic attack.  His eyes shot to the back of his head and the clear, slimy liquid began drooling from his mouth.
Back in the white brightness Bridice was completely nude.  Even though he did not have his glasses on, his vision was still perfect.  He put his arms out with his palms up to welcome the many thousands of walking cockroaches, all circling around him,
"My dear friend," came the voice, it seems you are in a horrible ordeal.
"Yes…can, can you help me, old friend?"  Bridice pleaded.
There was a pause and then, "Yes." Answered the voice.  "Bridice, you're still harvesting, release them and they will do what they must."
"Thank you friend…" Bridice began tearing up, "Thank you…so much…" he muttered again, very quietly.  "I'm sorry," he picked his head up, his voice more clear looking at all the roaches around him, "For what I, I did, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," he repeated shaking his head.  "I'm sorry that I, I didn't fulfill my, my prophecy…"
"But you have Bridice."
"Wha…?  But I thought that, that tree and me delivering the colony…"
The events which were to come to 128 Cornmaker Drive will happen with or without the willow tree."
"But, how?"
"You Bridice, it has always been you."
Bridice starred, puzzled, but understood what he was being told.  "This was supposed to happen…"  Bridice sniffled a bit, "wasn't it."  A tear ran down his squinty eye, "…wasn't it."
"Yes."
Bridice shut his eyes unleashing many more tears to run down his cheeks and trickle into his beard.
"Come my friend, come."  The voice rang out, full of pride, the cockroaches all turned at the same time, as perfect as the finest soldiers standing at attention.  "Your place is here now, rejoice, rest, your time is here now."  They all began walking forward into the brightness, which wasn't white any longer.  It was a color Bridice had never seen before, magnificent.  Bridice Mann, the only whiteness, surrounded by a circle of blackness, walked on into the omnipotent light.

Bridice's body was in a complete paralysis, with violent jerks here and there as the liquid oozed from his mouth, allowing the roaches in his belly to come out, twelve roaches slithered out and crawled a top Bridice's twitching body, naked and wet, they crawled to his rear and squeezed their way into his rectum, they were covered in the liquid making it an easy entry.
"OH SHIT!  YO nigga's having a heart attack yo!!"  The guy covering the door hadn't noticed the last roach crawling into Bridice's rectum.
"FUCK YO!!  He looks like a fucking fish, all whaling aroung like that!" Said another one of Sed's boys, ready for the gangbang.
"Yo, that's my ROACH BIATCH you talking about, he gonna be moving around like a motherfucker, fucking bucking bronco shit, galloping all over the cock, yo he get nasty yo!!  We can make a shit load of boot off this nigga!"  Sed walked in wearing only a white towel around his waist and flipped Bridice onto all fours.  He pulled him up to his feet, "Up faggot!"  He grabbed his penis, the towel fell to the ground, and he started jacking it off until he was fully erect.  He lowered his tip and sprayed some lotion all over his dick and Bridice's asshole.  He proceeded to forcefully insert his penis into the asshole.
"Yeee, yeee, mutherfucker…"  Groaned Sed.  Bridice was still drooling, he was hunched over and the top of his head was pushed up against the cold white tiled wall.  His unconscious face was directed at his chest as it bumped back and forth.
"Oww, wha… OHH! OWWW FUCKFUCK!"  Sed struggled to pull his cock out of Bridice's ass.  "WHATTHEFUCK!?"  Sed freaked, as if his dick was caught on something, finally his cock came fully out with the tip ripped apart and ten cockroaches blew out of the ass hole all over Sed's stomach, covered in blood and shit.   "MOTHERFUCKER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!"  Sed screamed as he stood up, his dick leaking blood down onto the floor.  He kicked over the still unconscious spazzing Bridice onto his back on the floor.  "AWW, YOU, YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!!  YOU FUCK!!"  Sed lifted his heel up high and stomped down on Bridice's forehead.  It exploded against the hard marble floor, brains and skull chunks shot all over the wall and floor.  Sed's homies ran in when they heard Bridice's high pitched squealing scream and all stomped Bridice's head in until it was nothing but disgusting wet chunks and teeth.  The neck and head were completely gone.  One guy had stomped Bridice's right arm off.  His entire groin and pelvic region was stomped in.  It was a mess, alongside the corpse were twelve squashed cockroaches, everyone looked the same, they were equal.



Epilogue


The Coroner at Bridice's autopsy discovered thirteen dozen cockroaches harvesting within Bridice's stomach.  He said it was the foulest thing he had ever seen.  It was as if a hose had been pumping roaches up through the autopsy table and out of Bridice's stomach.  There was no way Bridice's stomach had that capacity, it was impossible, it wasn't human.  Bridice's body was turned over to the FBI immediately.

"I just don't see how!"  Fletch Hanley said as he slammed the clipboard down onto the hospital examination table, where Bridice Mann's body was before the transfer.  "It's so, so F-ed up, you know!!"  Fletch and his friend Justin walked out of the hospital room and into the hallway, and out into an outdoor patio section, it was nighttime and windy out.
"Hey man, I'm right with you, it's weird shit, but it's the goddamn feds, what're you gonna do?
"Yeah, I know…"  Fletch said as he lit a cigarette.  "You hear about that autopsy?"  Justin nodded as Fletch continued.  "I heard they want his body for some bio-weaponry research…"
"What, like cockroach weapons?"  Asked Justin.
"Like cockroach people."  Fletch answered seriously.  The two starred at each other for a moment, then a smirk formed on Fletch's lips, "HAHAHA!"  The two laughed and Fletch shook his head.
"Shit man,"  Justin snickered, "but you think, I mean, why else would they want it…"
"Nah man, that'll never happen,…"  Fletch said while holding in a drag.  He blew it into the wind.
"Yeah," Justin started, "weird shit."

The End
Michael decided that squeezing it was the best way to go.  His gum had been feeling sore for the past week and he'd been too busy to visit the dentist's office.  Today was…Friday, Wednesday wasn't it, when it started to really sting, Michael thought to himself, as he inspected his lower right molar gum in the mirror of the men's restroom, on floor 157 of the Nauler Millis building, lower west part of Manhattan.  It definitely seems swollen, he continued to think to himself, oh God, it's huge compared to the rest of them, what the f@#k!  Michael continued to poke the gum a bit with the index finger of his left hand, it sent a bit of satisfaction, if you could call it that, so with his right hand pulling his lip down allowing for more finger room, he started at the bottom of his gum using his fingernail on the outside and his tongue on the inside of his mouth pushed with force against his gum, moving upward.  A spurt of blood and a chunk of squishy red stuff squirted out the top of his gum where it intersected with his molar and a quick stream of blood leaked out and around the surrounding teeth.
Michael spat.  "Ah Christ, what the shit??  What is that?"  Michael looked at the red squishy stuff, with a concerned look on his face.  "Is that, meat…" he had a quick flashback to the Philly cheese steak he ate for lunch.  " Shit, food's getting stuck in my gum, God…" He quickly looked back in the mirror and performed the same fingernail tongue maneuver, squirting out more bloody chunks of squishy food, he repeated this until nothing else was protruding from his infected gum.  "Damn, I gotta get back to the meeting…" He put his hand under the faucet, letting the cold water trickle over his palm and down into the sink, circling down the drain, he formed a cup shape with his hand and leaned over underneath the faucet to pool water into his mouth.  He swished the cold liquid around, focusing on the ruptured gum and spat the water back into the sink, and repeated the process once until he felt his mouth was as clean as he could get it.  Michael then pulled his tie out from being tucked in between two buttons in the front of his white collared shirt and straightened his collar, fidgeted his tie, eyeballs locked on himself in the mirror.  He took a few deep breaths, all the while knowing he shouldn't be tonguing the infected molar and gum, he attempted to fight the urge, but continued to fail.  "You got this Michael," He said out a loud, concentrating on the meeting at hand, still looking at his reflection in the eye, "you got this one."
Michael was 28 years old from New Hampshire, had started working at Bellbakers firm about 8 months ago, things had been going well so far in his section, he was the overseer in the department of yogurt dispensary manufacturing.  Michael was 5'6", born Michael Augustyn to Cindy and Reath, he had long curly hair that when slicked back covered the back of his neck and had a nice belly that made a slight hill shape with his white shirt.  He tilted his head back and forth cracking his neck while approaching the glass doorway into the conference room.
"Gentlemen, thank you for your patience, why don't we settle back into our meeting," Michael began as he walked toward the front of the room where the latest breakdown chart was.  "As you can see the June and July schedule is…"
"Michael, Michael, hold up a sec!"  It was Kyle Steckboard, the new chairmen of the Kanivy Branch, overlooking the yogurt and pudding's departments, he was some slick 26 year old, Manhattan pretty boy, all blonde, had been with Bellbaker for only 3 months, just taking over the whole scene.  Kyle flattened his tie down from his chest to his stomach, "Michael, we were actually talking this whole new deal over while you went to the men's room, right Mr. Kwi?"  One of the 8 older Japanese men bowed his head towards Kyle from across the large table, taking up the middle of the room.
"Wait, what are you talking about?"
"Michael, well we just aren't feeling the latest labeling that has been used on our yogurt containers…"
"Feeling, wait, waitwaitwait, feeling…what is that?!!"
"They're just not the vibe, well, the lesson were trying to give off with our Bellbaker name brand yogurt, we also feel that the containers have resulted in the low sales we've received in the last few months…"  Michael tried to interrupt but was shut down by Kyle raising his hand from his tie to in front of him, stopping Michael.  "…Now Michael, I can only assume that this drought in our yogurt sales is due to the manager in charge of the packaging, that being said, were going to take you off this line and be…"
"NO, NO!"  Michael was raising his voice "You can NOT take me off this project Kyle, you can't, where's the proof that it's me, HUH!!  Feeling, lesson's LEARNED, it's yogurt containers for crying out loud, it's probably the shitty taste, Kyle, that's it, that's what's f@#king with your prices!"  Michael had never burst out like that in front of Kyle before.
"Now, Relax, O-Kay Michael, you've obviously put a lot of sweat and blood into this project, I can see that, but it's not there, it's not Michael, and now we'll be going over deadline to really pull this label to the new statement, the new generation, if you will…"  Kyle glanced at the 8 Japanese men and they all started smirking and laughing out of excitement, one of the old me spoke up quickly, "New Generation, like Coka Cola!"
"HA, that's right Mr. Nagwutis, err, tismkua,…"  he looked at Michael again, "It's really going to be very cool, in fact…"
But Michael wasn't listening, he couldn't believe this embarrassment, he turned and was headed towards the door, his tongue started massaging his gum, he turned again, "You know Kyle, you have been coming into all our meeting groups and discussions for this project since day one, you saw the whole process and went along without any complaints, and now this…would've been nice for a, a type of heads up you know, a little frigging input here or there, for your…lessons!"
"That's not my job."
"Yeah well, it must be nice to just toss the blame onto someone else..!"
"Hey now, I haven't lashed out at you Michael, you're first out burst was uncalled for, but I did not lash out, so I suggest you leave."
"I hope you run this shitty yogurt brand into the ground you c@#k sucking mother F@#KER!!"
"DAMNIT!!  F@#K YOU MICHAEL!"  Kyle pointed out at Michael screaming as loud as he could, lunged over the table, over the confused and frightened group of old Japanese men and jumped off the table onto Michael knocking him down onto the bluish gray carpet.  Kyle began strangling Michael, his grip tightening around his neck, Michael made a fist and clocked Kyle on the left side of his jaw.  Michael stood up quick and charged Kyle who was still on the ground holding his face and kicking upwards at Michael.
"What the HELL is going on!"  It was Doreen, the floor's lobbyist.  "Mr. Augustyn, Mr. Steckboard!"
Michael turned his head and was kicked in his stomach by Kyle's left foot.
"OOOOOFF, Son of A!"  He backed up until he bumped into the glass walls surrounding the office, he was crouching over with his arms folded over his stomach, he noticed passer bys looking in his direction and heads popping up from distant cubicles.
"What has gotten into you both!!"  Doreen said urgently with her right hand cuffing her mouth, her eyes wide with disbelief.
Kyle stood up still holding the left side of his jaw, his pinky finger was over his lips and he was breathing heavily.  "You know Michael, I might, I,"  he was flustered, "I might just have a word with upper management about this little, outburst you just had yourself eh, they all saw you attack, they saw it,…"  He was breathing harder and sort of trailed off.  Michael was squinting his eyes, keeled over with his hands on his knees, staring at the bluish gray carpet.  
"Right."  He said under his breath.
"Mr. Augustyn, sir, your parents have arrived, they're down stairs!"
"…right…"  He replied to Doreen while using the glass wall to stable himself as he brushed past her, and a few onlookers in the hallway.  With his left arm hugging his stomach he rushed to his cubicle, tucked in his shirt and straightened out his tie.  He took his keys from out of his pocket, fumbling them, his hands were trembling, he found the right key and opened the middle drawer and stood there and stared for a sec at his metal stapler.

-end part 1-please continue to journal section for part 2-
"Mom, Dad look at ya, you guys look great!"  Michael walked up to his parents outside the Nauler Millis building.  Cindy and Reath Augustyn ran to their boy, they all hugged each other and were very happy.
"Hey honey, OOOOHhh we've missed you!"
"You guys couldn't of chosen a more perfect day to come!"
"My my, this is where our Michael works, WOW, honey this place is sooo professional, were so proud of you, I can't wait to…"  Cindy noticed red blotches on her son's neck, "Michael, what are these marks on your neck!!"
"AHHH, my shirt, well my shirt earlier was really irritating my neck, I switched shirts earlier this morning, but the last shirt must've given me some kind of rash, hehe," Michael chuckled uncomfortably "…It's fine, I'm fine, I guess I won't be wearing that shirt any time soon, eh, hehe…" he chuckled again uneasily.
""Oh…" said his mother, both her and Reath were now staring at their son, there were people walking by this whole time, the sun beating onto the city pavement and the noise of horns and commotion was all around them.
"Are you alright?"
"Wha, Mom, come on, I'm fine, really, it was the shirt, I, I gotta wash it or something…"
"O-Kay!" she said smiling at him, she hadn't seen her boy for the last 7 months, since last Christmas.  "So I cannot wait tot see what the view is like from up there,"
"Eh, it's not bad, but you guys must be famished, I know a great Tai place just around the corner..!"
"Eh, his father spoke up, "What about some Mexican?"
"Yeah, yeah there's Guerro Noches over on Princeton Ave., where'd you guys park?"
"Right over there."  She pointed to the green Lexus about four cars down the street.  "But let's walk, I want to ogle over everyone, they all look so, slick and with it!"
Michael smiled and wrinkled his brow as he had a quick chuckle at his Mom, "hehe, alright Mom, sounds good."  And she put her arm through her successful son's arm and he escorted her down the packed sidewalk towards the sun, the whole time listening to Reath talk of the drive from New Hampshire to New York, they laughed and were happy.

An hour later the three were back in front of the Nauler Millis building, Michael walked up the front steps, Reath went over to get something out of the green Lexus and Michaels mother followed her son.
"So let's see what an office of law looks like honey, I know work is stressful and you don't want to talk about it much, but I'd really like to see my baby's office, if that's O-okay, I mean, does it really look like Law and Order Michael?"
Michael bit his lip and turned around, looking down at his mother from three steps up, the sun glistening making the pavement appear white as snow.  His reflection in her sunglasses, her orange-ish sun dress, almost a pumpkin shade, standing there, still, awaiting the next portion of her day to happen.
"What's wrong honey?" she said reaching up and touching his arm,  "You seem sad." She cocked her head a bit when saying this.
Upon his mother making that statement, Michael instantly began tonguing his gum again.  "Ahhh, uhh, err, ah, Mom, I, um,…"
"What is it Michael?"
"Well Mom, you see,…" out of the corner of his eye Michael saw his Dad turning from the car and there was this tiny red light on his head, a little red dot hovering around.  "Dad..?  What is that?"
SPPPEEEEET!-SPLAT!  Reath's forehead split open and a massive gush, which looked like tomato sauce and mashed potatoes splattered all over the driver side door and window shield of his and Cindy's Lexus.
"JESUS, DAD, DAD!"  Michael pushed his mother out of the way to run towards his father, as he did so, more shots poured where he was standing, he had pushed his mother into the line of fire.
"PLATPLATPLAT!!"  Cindy hit the steps as three huge holes were embedded into her upper back.  "Someone call 911, call 911!"  Michael was yelling, "Were under attack, OH GOD, HELP HELP!"  More shots were fired out around the street, Michael was on his knees turning his mother's body onto her back, her orange dress now soaked red, she wasn't breathing.  "OH GOD HELP NOOO!  Please NOOOO!"  Everyone around the block was scattering, people exiting their cars, women screaming, Michael was holding his mothers head in his lap, looking over at his father's motionless body, a pool of blood around his head and shoulders, staining the snow.  More shots rang out striking his father's body and were getting closer to Michael.  He tried to pull his mother's body into the Nauls Millis building, but the shots were getting too close.  He ran into the building yelling "WERE UNDER ATTACK, WERE UNDER ATTACK!!"

When Michael came too he was sitting in Kyle Steckboard's swanky office, his vision was fuzzy and he appeared to be alone in the room, sitting on Kyle's couch facing his desk.  There was a street hot dog on his table, there hadn't been a bite yet, it was loaded with sauerkraut and mustard.
"Michael man, don't do this, please man!"  It was another voice coming from the room, Michael stood up to look around.
""Who's there?"  he said.
"I'm telling you man, the police are outside man…probably in the building, don't make things worse man, please man, just let me go!"
"What, where are you, who is that?"
"Wha…its Windsor man,..?"  The voice said quickly and very panic stricken.  It was coming from under the desk.
"Windsor, Jesus man, have they gotten in the building, is it terrorists?"  Windsor didn't respond.  "Windsor, how, where is everyone man, what happened, why are we in Kyle's office?"
"Listen, just give yourself up man, the cops are going to be here soon, and—"
"Damn it Windsor, what about the TERRORISTS man, stand up!"  Windsor stood up quick from under the table, his entire left side was covered in blood.
"Michael, what terrorists, I don't know what you're talking about!!!"
"Jesus, Windsor, you've been hit?!"  Windsor just looked at him.
"This is Kyle's blood."
"God, they got Kyle…"
"They, God, what are you talking about man!"  Windsor said again very frightened.
"The terrorists MAN!  What are YOU talking about, they killed my f@$king parents MAN!!"
"I know your parents are dead ALRIGHT, I know,…!"  He raised his voice a bit, staring at Michael deadpan, "…I know…"  Michael just looked at him, dumbfounded as he continued "Michael, you came running onto the floor, shooting every person in sight, screaming at the top of your lungs, "They're here, were under attack, they killed my parents, and you just kept yelling that over, and over and over and over and shooting people Michael, they're gonna be on this floor any sec man, any second…"  He trailed off and flopped into Kyle's Desk chair, leaning back, looking off to the ceiling, stunned, "…any second…"
Michael starred and chuckled out of disbelief, "Huh…right…" and turned around to see a gun on the seat cushion next to the one he was just sitting on.  He walked over to it and picked it up, instantly he began tonguing his gum again, he walked over to the hot dog.  "Who's is this?"
"Huh," Windsor said still staring off, "I don't…know…"
Michael picked up the street dog, fondled it's soft yet squishy texture, and took a big bite, greedily chewing on both sides of his mouth, the sauerkraut and mustard doing it's best to sting and irritate his already infected gum, grinding the dog down with his crusher molars, beef and kraut slipping into the open cut on his gums, getting stuck and shoved painfully down, deeper with every bite of the dog, Michael chewed, beef went down, it felt good.
"Well…"  Michael used his index finger to scrape his gum like before and squirted out a large wad of bloody meat, and spat it out onto the carpet.  With his other hand he raised the gun and shot Windsor in the face, the chair bounce back and forth a bit and his body lay dormant in it, his arms drooped down both sides of the chair.
Suddenly Michael felt it, God only knows how long it had been since he felt it last, that urge, that rush, what the hell was he still at work for, it's Friday for Christ's sake, he was going to take that street dog and cherish it for the rest of his night.  He kicked open the door, running as hard as he could, one hand on the trigger, the other on the dog, he needed them both.
Gun fire blazed up among papers and cheesy framed pictures of wives, kids and family, that textile wall looked so much nicer decorated with bullet holes.  The police were already entering onto the floor, Michael managed to pop two of them on his way to the elevator.  He pushed the button for ground level, taking the last few bites of his dog and fingering his gum until the beef remains squirted out, it had already become second nature for him.  He realized he needed another street dog to start off his big night on the town.  There was always a vendor over on 8th street, only 4 blocks away!
The elevator doors opened and Michael ran out, gun's smoking, the police were all opening fire, Michael took a shot in his arm and in his ass, but the urge for the dog was too great, he kept telling himself "I will cherish that dog alllll night!  You got this one!"
POW!BANG!BOOM!  Debris from the wall's, shattering glass, broken windows and doors, Michael continued out of Nauls Millis, noticed the five cruisers out front and decided that the best route would be to the left.  He kept running, firing and tonguing his gum.  He turned on Ellis Street and the vendor was in his site, he looked back around taking cover from the side of the building and popped off a few shots and then made a b-line for the street dog.
"So close!"  he thought to himself, literally grinding his teeth, he ran through confused and scared people, pushing them out of his way.  "Hey, STREET DOG MAN!"  he yelled out when he was only a block away, "ONE DOG WITH SAURKROUT AND MUSTARD!"  This is the way to order he thought, should be ready when I walk up!  He could smell it.  Friday here I come, he rushed up to the confused vendor, who had indeed heard him and like all good street dogger's he was quick to react and prepare another delicious product.  Michael opened his mouth and chomped down and the meat was once again inserted into the infected gum, another thing was inserted, this time it was a bullet, straight through the back of Michael's head, causing his brains and face to spill out all over the poor dogger's grill.  Covering precious street dogs, now never to see the innards of a human's mouth, or stomach, such a shame.  Michael's near headless body collapsed instantly in front of the vending cart and the vendor ran away franticly, yelling out in native tongue.  With no one there to supervise the grill, Michael's face and brain fragments started to bake and caught flame in the humid street air, a gust of traffic wind picked up the cloud of smoke forming from the street cart and wafted down 8th Street, past Darby's Bodega and the mini Sears outlet that used to be on 5th street.  The cloud caught a draft and flew onto Nemmins Street right under the nose of old Mrs. Kimberly Treendap, as she was entering her and her husband's small basement apartment.
"OOOOOHH!"  She exclaimed as she got a whiff.  "That's right, that was what I was going to make for supper!"
She walked down the steps into her home, she was just returning from the grocery market, but she knew she had the right food in the freezer to make what she wanted for her and her husband on that Friday night.
"Hey honey!"  She said surprised, "Oohh, so nice to have you home so early!"  Mrs. Treendap couldn't remember the last time her husband wasn't at the bar at this time on a Friday, he usually would come home once dinner was cooked.  "What do you think of chili dogs tonight?!"
"Chili dogs?"  Farvis Treendap was sitting in the living room facing the kitchen, "Err, yeah, chili dogs tonight!  Sounds great!"  Farvis leaned back, and took a deep drag from his tobacco pipe and was watching his wife in the kitchen.  He slowly walked in behind her and started helping unpack the groceries.

"Oh my God!  What is this!"  Laurel exclaimed.
"Let me see that!"  Tod reached his hand out and grabbed the piece of paper from his girlfriend.  The two had been living together in Brooklyn for the past  two years and were cleaning out Tod's old room at his folks place on the upper west side of Manhattan.  "Oh man, you know what this is, wait, pass me that too!"  Laurel handed him the joint she had just rolled, they had been taking a break sorting through all of Tod's old junk.  "Hey this is actually a poem I wrote about you, way back when we were just friends and you were on and off with your man Max there…"
"Reeally?!  Read it to me, I wanna hear it!"
"Alright let's see," Tod hit the joint and passed it to Laurel, then he scanned the first phrase of the poem, "Okay, yeah, I remember this, this was when we were joking about guys wanting to take you into the ally way, to like, get with you and stuff…"
"WHAT, when was that!!"
"You know, it was something that had happened to you a few times, you had these funny stories of guys hitting on you and we always would assume that they wanted to take you into the alleyway…it was funny, really…"  Laurel smiled and looked at him as she took a puff.
"O-keee, yeah, I remember that now…"
"Anyhoo, here it goes, "A lot of guys want to take Laurel into the ally.  But not me.  If I could take her anywhere I would take here to Hawaii…" Tod got a little quieter, his face went from having fun to looking serious, "…and to Egypt…AHHH!"  He crumpled up the poem and tossed it in the trash bag they had been using.  "This is stupid, pass me that f@*ker!"  Tod's face went back to smiling and joking.
"O-Kee…!"  Laurel said smirking at him, "Well, I'm gonna make us some supper."
"Mmmm sounds good babe!"  Tod took a deep drag and watched out his bedroom door as Laurel got some pots and pans from the cupboards in the kitchen.  Tod got up and walked in.
"Let me help!"  He said enthusiastically.
"Yeah?!  Cut these here!"  She handed him three carrots and continued preparing some water in a pot and she turned the stove on.  Tod started cutting and looked up at her, her back was to him as she was cleaning something in the sink.
"You know,"  Tod started "I really like your hair cut short like that."
"Yeah."  She said smiling still focused on cleaning.
"Yeah."


End.
August 17th, 1973
Dear Diary, I totally hooked up with my cousin Jeffry this weekend, it all started when we were all bouncing on my friend Lisa's trampoline, those things are sooo much fun.  Even early on I could tell I was bouncing higher and higher on it, way higher then Lisa anyway, that's why Jeffry was watching me more then her, maybe he was just staring at my boobs...either way, Jeffry had just come up from Nebraska, or where ever-I took one glance at him and boy oh boy was he groovy!!  He looked like a hotter Christopher Knight, the same glorious flowing brown locks as Chris...our Moms are nieces or whatever...it didn't phase me.  Occasionally we watched t.v. and ate meals together, but we didn't start getting physical, or sort of, until we went to Lisa's.  Lisa even brought me aside and was like "Tiffany, he's soooo cute right..?!!" and I was like "RIGHT!"  and we giggled and held her Chris Knight calendar that she got for Christmas last year up towards the window to compare them both, no contest...Jeffry was such...a stud...
     During the early afternoon of August 17th, 1973, three teenage suburbanites decided to roam into a vast unknown place, taboo even, one can even relate to the situation about to unfold, but no one has ever took the slightest action, nor attempted, no one we know.  But here on this perfect summers day, outside the Inland Freeway in San Diego California, those seemingless impossible events shall be delivered to our doorstep like milk, sweet white goat's milk.
    "You guys want to play spin the bottle?"  I thought I should start the excitement, I'd kissed boys before, and done a bit more with them, like Andy Miller, my good friend Sienna's little brother...but that was just practice...and then out of nowhere, Lisa that stupid bitch just said it, "I wanna watch you guys make out!"  I just froze, why oh why would she say that!!  I grit my teeth and stared at her..."Like, that'd be pretty funny..."  Jeffry said...I was like "WHAT!!"  WOWZZERZ!
    "Let's go up to the loft you guys!!"  Lisa said.  The loft...it was above Lisa's folks garage, the first place I got high, the first place I drank a beer, freaked out...of course this would be the heavenly zone to get funkadelic.  I tried to be chill, but Jeffry was too groovy to be, would we shag..!  We were all following Lisa up that small hill in her back yard over to her driveway and then to the garage, I remember looking at Jeffry's back and then at his cute butt, wishing I could take a picture of it, then I was looking at the big ferns surrounding Lisa's backyard, behind there, those hills that kept looming up into the forrest and into more neighborhoods possibly, had I thought of that before, it was a new kind of feeling, I felt...small.  Then I remember Lisa opening the door, we always thought it would be locked, I wonder if her parents knew what we did up here...?  I was on the staircase walking up, Jeffry was just about to enter, and that's when I saw that shiny worm thing, slightly crushed on the edge of the stairs.  I thought Jeffry must not have seen it and stepped on it, but when I looked closer, I noticed that it was still wiggling and that it hadn't been stepped on, but that was what it was, it had all these other worm parts connected to it and this shiny, tin foil like glow, it's skin perhaps...it was sooo funky!  I was about to call the others when it started moving fast across the step..."Hey Jeffr-------"ZZZZZZZTTTTTT.....whoa, whatever that was all about, man it was been a hectic past few weeks, I shot my first gun, then fired off three more, ate junkfood for lunch and cereal for dinner, did some cartoons for Sprig Toy's new package designs, bought a car, harassed a dwarf goat all over a back lawn, had an unsuccessful flirt with an asian girl, everyone was chewing gum at the table!  Found a new home to live in and doodled through the down times.  Went to a porta potty party and while there I finished the Gulumakian Fish Master, bought goat a drink and we all danced until the bathrooms were overflowing and the sun was but a melting puddle fizzing out on top of that crushed can next to those broken wings...

Happy Trails roaming Deviant Artist's today!!

From me and goat.

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Banjo Kazooie Nuts and Bolts rules!!  Here's some scribbles!!
  • Listening to: Beastie Boys
  • Reading: the holy grail of emoticons
  • Watching: some guy try to do pushups-
  • Playing: BANJO KAZOOIE-u know it.
  • Eating: pizza, all gone
  • Drinking: grape soda
Tell you what I'm gonna do.  I'm gonna go blow my nose.  That's what I'm gonna do.
Don't know about you guys, but the latest episode of Lost was the worst one ever, and I love pretty much all of them so far, still gotta catch season 3.  Why's Tina Fey in it now?
  • Listening to: nothing
  • Reading: Suzuki Chick with a strapon.
  • Watching: Lost
  • Playing: a game that involves me crashing on my bike.
  • Eating: soap
  • Drinking: live baita morphin ranger. stormtrooper.
I did a chubby bunny contest last night, I fit 24 in my mouth and was awarded a purple metal 9th place.  Awesome.
  • Listening to: DOOM, born like this.
  • Reading: financial problems with equity
  • Watching: boob tube
  • Playing: a game that involves me crashing on my bike.
  • Eating: soap
  • Drinking: orange soda pop.
Not sure what happened...someone attacked my page hardcore and it's all screwy...looks like everyone's avatar is messed with, not just mine.  I'm going to try and fix it all, I guess it's kinda funny, what is that, lady gaga as my avatar, and everyone else has twilight, rather have gaga, jokes on you ha.
A giant, beautiful blond sea orchid told me once, never cease to believe that anyone, and I mean anyone who is unavailable at that very specific moment, that urgent moment when you absolutely positively need a car wash, need a hug, need a good old bean bag chill session, need to borrow some salmon ski boots, if they aren't there for you, they must be really busy with something else.  You're just going to have to wait, unless an ambulance is involved, take that.  An eiffel tower is when two guys are slamming a babe from both ends and the guys give a high five to each other.
Watched "Confessions of a Shopaholic" last night, kind of funny to see that girl play a heroin addict on "Breaking Bad" and then the dorky punky-brewster-like friend in shopaholic...I wiped my butt with that green scarf.
yo, still in Florida, checked out South Beach, walking Lincoln Road with a semi the entire time...So many honeys, hard to contain one's self, but amidst all the boats and hoes and endless boob jobs and hot designer stores...not one comic shop!!  These babes don't know how much more attention they would get from nerds if they continued the way they are but were down with comics, not even a dingy hole in the wall comic shop (which are usually the best comic shops) I got saused any way and fish hooked some fat ass.
  • Listening to: what's the deal
  • Reading: with no
  • Watching: babes around
  • Playing: that are really
  • Eating: really
  • Drinking: into comics...
Just popped up some concept work for ALAS, the comic by myself and ALex Kain, still in the process of coming to life.

ALAS is meant to be an acronym for "Astronauts Lost At Space" but that sounds a little, eh...needs work, I would love to get some other ideas for what ALAS could stand for.  Let me know your thoughts!!

Can't give too much of the story away, want to keep it a nice surprise, and we haven't exactly figured it all out yet, but it will take place in the late 60's, it's going to be the NASA apollo 10 mission, but were changing history a bunch and stuff.  boobs.
  • Listening to: loud screaming, I hope that persons o-k.
  • Watching: disturbing Florida news..
  • Drinking: egg nog, and more egg nog, no this is beer.
Yowza...came with the folks to the Orange state to visit my older bro and his fam...man, the babes here are off the hook...hard to withstand my hormonal emotions.  Been out of the love triangle for almost a year now, a few flings here and there, but I'm still totally all about my ex, gotta build up my shmooze skills with the babes, gotta move on.  Chicks are all tan here too, gotta work on that, do tan chicks even know pale guys exist...even if they're standing in front of them in the grocery line...

Man, tan chicks are hot, but short hair and glasses, whoowahhh.
  • Listening to: radio friendly unit shifter
  • Playing: thumb war with my tongue.
  • Eating: pavement, I was just currbed
  • Drinking: egg nog